July 10, 2007

Syracuse Barbies

Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Syracuse market

Manlius Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only
at Fayetteville Towne Center. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version. Manlius Barbie is easily exchanged, and occasionally mistaken for Skaneatlas Barbie.

Baldwinsville Barbie
The modern day ho
memaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Northside Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ...unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Skaneatlas Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your
choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Oswego Barbie
This pale model come
s dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Fulton Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Oswego
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Marshall Street Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks
or combat boots with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Northside Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

South Side Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Catching Up

Hello. Hope you're all doing well and keeping cool this week. It hasn't been easy. This is another one of those vague, generalized, bring-you-up-to-speed-on-my-life posts. Things are really good for the most part. I had a wonderful time at Western & Swing Week at Ashokan. Got to hang out with The Redstick Ramblers a fair bit which is always fun. The past week has been unusually quiet. Just not a whole lot going on right now. But that's okay I guess. Last night I went out and heard a couple Whip-poor-wills calling on Roosevelt Road. #304! So I have a hit list of summer birds I still need to get:
1) Golden-winged Warbler
2) Orchard Oriole
3) Common Nighthawk
4) Least Bittern
Those are the most pressing. Hopefully I'll get a decent handful of new birds in Colorado this September. Anyway, let's see... oh, I'm still making my way through Lord of the Rings for the second time. What great books! Just finished Two Towers yesterday and I started ROTK this morning. Also looking forward to some new Harry Potter craziness this summer. That's pretty much it for now I guess. This week is again, pretty quiet. But Grey Fox should be lots of fun and Ashokan Northern Week right after that. I'm going to go jump in the pool now. Bye!