January 24, 2006

An Interview with Dr. Robert D. Swinkydink

From the BRI (Boring Radio International) studios in Omaha:
An Exclusive Interview with Dr. Robert D. Swinkydink and BRI correspondent Latch Me Zing.
“This whole morphlagus has gotten hazzamed way beyond my verpitude.” These were the opening thoughts of renowned linguist and social visionary Bob Swinkydink as we began our interview in the living room of his home in central Wisconsin. “All I can say is yistudika everyone, yistudika!”
Dr. Swinkydink, a graduate of Ubetcha University, has been on the cutting edge of speech science for more than 30 years. He’s the author of nearly 300 words, a founding member of NASA (Naturally Awesome Speech Authorities) and recipient of the prestigious Norbel Prize in Wordification.
“Tell me Bob, how would…”
“Excuse me, but I’d really prefer that you address me as Dr. Swinkydink.”
“Of course, my apologies. I was wondering Dr. Swinkydink, how would you describe your career as a word author?”
“Well Latchy, at times it’s been extremely verifluous. At first, people were mostly nubleric about my work. But over time, I’ve moggywagged the public’s attention and boomified their hearts. It’s been very rewarding to watch them uberstrate at my feet, figuratively speaking of course.”
“I see. But help me understand this now. What was your ambition? Do you have any advice for aspiring wordificationalists?”
“Sure I’ve some advice for any young adjectivers – stay the phuckle away from my job you little sassuckers! As far as ambition goes, I’m really a pretty self-motivulated guy. It doesn’t take much to get my nuggles blupin if you know what I mean.”
“Let’s talk about your new book. You’ve called it your most ‘Magnicious Occurment’ and yet it’s gotten some pretty harsh reviews. How do you respond to people labeling you as a ‘Serious Nutcase,’ a ‘Babbling Idiot,’ or a ‘Total Moron’?”
“That’s absolutely gibberish! It doesn’t make any sense at all. What do those words even mean? I can’t conceive what they’re trying to say about me. It’s just a condescending method of belittlism to use words that nobody’s ever heard of just to criticize what they obviously aren’t smart enough to understand.”
“Strong words Mr. Swinkydink.”
“Actually, it’s Dr. Swinkydink if you remember.”
“I’m sorry, Dr. Swinkydink. Thank you for your time.”
“It’s been a moof. As I always say ‘Yistudika everyone, yistudika!’”
“We’ve been speaking with Dr. Robert D. Swinkydink, professor of Wordification at Ubetcha University in Wisconsin and assistant speech writer to President George W. Bush in Washington D.C. His new book is called My Words: A Collection of Original Adjectives, Verbs and Shwadishawaks, in stores now. For more information, contact:
Swinkydink Inc.
P.O. Box 666
Ubetcha, WI 91101